Don’t Be That Dad

There’s a kind of dad I’ve seen too many times. And too often, he doesn’t even realize who he’s becoming. But his kids do. They feel it. They carry it.

This dad is busy blaming everyone else. His ex, the court, the kids, the system. He’s always got a story where he’s the victim and never the one who broke something. Never the one who wasn’t present. Never the one who didn’t show up when it actually counted.

And the worst part is, he thinks he’s doing fine. Because he sends the check. Because he calls sometimes. Because he talks big about how much he loves them.

But his love? It doesn’t feel safe. It doesn’t feel steady. It doesn’t feel real.

I know this dad because my kids have lived in the wake of one. And I’m writing this so maybe someone out there decides to change before their kids shut the door behind them.

Don’t Make Your Kids Pay for What Their Mother Did

Your ex may have hurt you. Lied to you. Broken you. But your kids didn’t. They are not her. They are not your emotional punching bag or your grief container.

When you roll your eyes at their emotions or tell them they sound just like her, you’re not protecting yourself. You’re projecting. And it’s not just wrong. It’s cruel.

Children aren’t meant to hold adult conflict. They aren’t meant to figure out which parent is more right. They aren’t meant to sit in the middle of your unresolved resentment and carry the fallout for years to come.

If you feel anger, get help. If you feel betrayed, go to therapy. But don’t dump your damage on your kids and call it truth.

Don’t Check Out While Calling It Providing

Working long hours might look noble from the outside. But if your presence is never felt, your face never soft, your attention never real, your kids won’t remember what you built. They’ll remember that you were always busy. Always somewhere else. Always just out of reach.

Being a provider means more than income. It means eye contact. Emotional presence. Asking real questions. Showing up on the days that don’t look special but are.

You can be successful and still be absent. And absence leaves bruises no paycheck can fix.

Don’t Blame Everyone Else for Who You Are Becoming

Your kids don’t need you to be perfect. But they need you to take responsibility.

The dad who blames everything on someone else never grows. He just repeats the same cycles with a new excuse every time. And eventually, his kids stop believing him. They stop trusting what he says. They start shrinking in his presence, never sure who they’re going to get.

Don’t Become the Dad Your Kids Will Need to Recover From

I’m not here to shame you. I’m here to name it. So maybe you don’t repeat it.

You are not powerless. You are not stuck. You are not too far gone.

But if you keep choosing blame over accountability, distraction over presence, resentment over repair... you’ll lose them. Even if they still come to your house on weekends. Even if they still call you dad.

They will emotionally leave. They will protect themselves the way I had to. They will build walls they didn’t deserve to need.

And one day, you’ll wonder why they stopped opening up. Why they’re distant. Why they pull away when you reach for them.

So here’s your invitation.

Wake up. Look in the mirror. Choose something better. Not because it’s easy. But because it’s worth it.

You don’t have to be perfect. But you do have to be honest. You do have to own your patterns. You do have to be the safe parent, even when your co-parent isn’t.

That’s the work. That’s the shift. That’s how you stop being the dad they’ll need therapy to unpack, and start becoming the one they know they can come home to.